I Need a Plan

I am going to lose my job.

Now, before people get all up in a tizzy over me making that statement, I should clarify that I don’t know this for sure.  I still go to work every day, like the rest of my coworkers, under the wary impression that we’re trying to work things out.  Hell, they might work things out.  Who knows? 

But the cold hard truth of it is that the odds are pretty good that I’m going to lose my job.

And you know what?  I’m okay with that.  The fact is that I was going to come up with a list of reasons why I was upset about it, and all I came up with is this:  I don’t want to be left without income in this economy.  That’s all I’ve got.  Maybe I don’t want to lose out on discounts on books.  But… that’s all I’ve got.

Otherwise, I hate to admit it, but I’m kind of excited about the idea of being forced to make a change.  The fact is that I’ve been complacent for a very long time, and I’m not just talking about my job. 

So that’s where this blog comes in.  I need a plan.  I’m a planner at heart, someone who makes lists for my lists.  Someone whose mother gave her an actual pro/con list notepad for Christmas, just because she knows that I never feel confident in a decision unless I see it written out. 

I’m hoping that putting my plan out there will keep me honest.  Resolutions fail most of the time, but it’s a proven fact that having a goal and putting it out for others to see makes you more likely to follow through.  

So here I am, writing out what I hope to accomplish, in black and white, in concrete terms.  Let’s see how it goes.

I need to find a job.  But most importantly, I need to remember that the job doesn’t have to define me.  I think that’s how I got to this point in my current job, years after I expected to move on:  I never realized that for me, there isn’t a perfect job out there that will lead to perfect contentment.  Which leads to the second part of this, the thing that will lead me to perfect contentment…

I need to get focused on writing again.  I’ve been half assing if for a while now.  It’s very hard for me to say out loud, without feeling like a cliche or without rolling my eyes, that all I really want to do is write.  And to write well.  I want to get back to the place that I was at ten years ago, where I would stay up all night writing and crash at six a.m., never even turning the computer off because rebooting it would take too long when I popped back up four hours later.  I want that spark to come back.  I need it to.  But more importantly, I need to make sure that I focus myself better, so that the crash at the end of the night doesn’t lead to the inevitable burn.

I need to stop buying magazines and books and newspapers that I don’t read.  I need to put into place a strategy so that I have time to read more methodically, with more joy, and with more diligence.  I read more than most people, but lately I’ve managed to overwhelm myself.  Weirdly enough, the only way I’m going to read more productively is if I reign it in a little bit.

And finally, on a practical level, I need to put into place the tools to get my husband and me into a better financial place.  We’re not poor, and we definitely are better off than some, but I want to make it so that we have a plan to get out of our debt and reverse the cycle.  And you know what?  That’s where charts come in.  Hooray for charts. 

It’ll be hard, but last year at this time my husband lost his job – the same job that I have, only with a different title.  In his case, he had no warning, but his experience gave us a blueprint of how we could manage if it happens again.  We got through it.  We are for the most part living out our dreams, living in a great city where we can go out to museums and restaurants and author readings.  We have great friends and family all over the country.  We are happy. 

This blog is about making us happier.